Hello All:
Welcome to my blog. I have put
considerable thought into who I will be attempting to reach with this blog and
what I have to say to those people. My
first effort will be on forgiveness, and I hope that it speaks to you.
Forgiveness:
Forgiveness is a concept which, in its true form, is very difficult to
grasp and even more difficult to explain.
Forgiveness is something that we all do, some of us on a more regular
basis than others. So let’s look at why
we forgive.
Sometimes we forgive a perceived transgression so we can be friends
again with the perpetrator of the transgression and get on with a relationship
with that person. Sometimes we forgive
because it is the only way we can maintain a relationship with a family
member. And sometimes we forgive so we
can get on with our life without the bitterness and anger and negativity that
are inherent in holding a grudge. And
some people refuse to forgive.
So what is forgiveness, or perhaps a better question would be what isn’t
it.
Ø Forgiveness
is not accepting that the transgression perpetrated on you was acceptable
behaviour on the part of the transgressor;
Ø
It is not absolving the transgressor of his responsibility
for the transgression; and
Ø
Forgiveness is not forgetting the transgression and
allowing it to happen again and again.
So what is forgiveness, quite simply put, it is the
shedding of the bitterness, anger and negativity brought into your life by the
transgression perpetrated against you, and making a concerted decision to
forgive yourself for allowing the transgression to so adversely affect you. After all what we think determines how we
feel and we are all responsible for our own feelings, no one can make you feel
this way or that, we allow extraneous things to affect our feelings and make us
feel hurt, sad, angry or afraid.
So what happens to those who don’t forgive. Wow! This
carrying around of anger, bitterness and negativity is what causes 90% of those
in the hospital today to be there. That’s
right, you didn’t misread that. The
statistics are that 90% of the people in the hospital today are there as a
result of unresolved issues.
Let’s look at the physiological realities of holding on to the issues
we have with other people. Ulcers, intestinal
problems and enough stress can cause cancer, heart attacks and strokes. It’s not a euphemism, it is the reality and
we are killing ourselves every day because we either don’t know how to forgive,
or we flatly refuse to do so, and the sad reality, is we are only hurting
ourselves, because that is so who forgiveness is for.
Our transgressors, most of the time, couldn’t care less if we forgive
them or not, the really nasty ones, create the havoc and then disappear into
the ether, never to be seen again, so just using logic, why would we hold onto
those destructive negative emotions, what do we gain, a sense of righteous
indignation, a sense of “I’m right and they were wrong.” Is that a benefit or a detriment, when the
reality is you are the only one suffering, other than the people around you who
have to hear how you have been wronged continuously, the perpetrator couldn’t
care less, and probably has their own reality in which they did nothing wrong,
no matter how adversely their behaviours may have affected you. My father had a saying which I use all the
time “Convince a man against his will, he’s of the same opinion still”. We may never be able to get the transgressor
to see the damage he/she has done, so we need to forgive and get on with a
life, just that much less stressed, and just that much happier.
Until next time Namaste
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